CATS
The internet had many warnings about this movie...stuff like, "it looks like a demented creature midway through it's Animorph" or " like the Human Centipede, it's an existential horror where you are not sure what you have seen and are too scared to talk about it." Oh well- that's too bad- I proceeded to rent it anyways as soon as it was available. Like the kids say, "curiosity killed the cat" or rather you wish it had and it had burned in a fiery hellscape for a million years.
Right. Usually the movies I recap are things I've seen years ago, not like a day ago, but that's okay because I'm pretty sure there is no actual plot to this movie. I decided to watch it after a day of riding 20ish miles while consuming at least 5 beers.
The story opens with a white cat named Victoria getting dropped off in- I want to say- London? She has no time to be sad because a bunch of cars are circling in closer. Obviously everyone is creepy and they keep talking about wanting to be Jellicle cats whatever-the-fuck- that-is. I recall lurching in fear every time there was an errant hip thrust. Just no no no.
There are many songs and for once they did not help me remember the movie. I think they are all introductions to who is who, but honestly all the names are pretty wild- like I really hope someone loses a bet and has to name their kid Shimbleshanks or whatever. Victoria is taken by two twin cats, I think one's name is Mungojerrie and they commit crimes like breaking and entering then jumping on a person's bed and trying on their jewelry. There is a weird magician cat named Mister Mestopheles who has a crush on her. He is not cute.
At some point James Corden, aka Bustopher Jones, is in there too and he and Rebel Wilson aka Jennyanydots have antics that are regrettably just a series of fat jokes. Jennyanydots just really loves eating roaches and good ole Busty will eat anything.
They really did get a lot of really famous people to don green spandex and look like terrible science experiments. Dame Judi Dench plays Old Deuteronomy who is like the matriarch cat who has fur but wears fur- like maybe the felt of all of her victims? Idris Elba is also in there and plays what I think is suppose to be an evil cat or something, McCavity; he is also guilty of wearing the fur of his victims. He has scary eyes and especially looks like a partially completed Animorph. Taylor Swift or rather Bombalurina sings a song about him and sprinkles cat drugs on everyone. Ian McKellen plays a cat with a fairly normal name, Gus and Drake plays a cat that thankfully does not have an erection.
Jennifer Hudson plays the cat who sings the famous song, Memory- Grizebela I think. I'm not sure why she got kicked out of the Jellicle cat gang- maybe for being a hooker because she gives off that vibe. All I know is the cats have a Jellicle Ball and the winner of it goes somewhere special maybe akin to heaven(hopefully not to get chloroformed). I believe Grizebela wins and rides a chandelier attached to a balloon to said place- as mentioned- hopefully not to get chloroformed.
I don't usually give movies reviews, but overall 5 stars!
Right. Usually the movies I recap are things I've seen years ago, not like a day ago, but that's okay because I'm pretty sure there is no actual plot to this movie. I decided to watch it after a day of riding 20ish miles while consuming at least 5 beers.
The story opens with a white cat named Victoria getting dropped off in- I want to say- London? She has no time to be sad because a bunch of cars are circling in closer. Obviously everyone is creepy and they keep talking about wanting to be Jellicle cats whatever-the-fuck- that-is. I recall lurching in fear every time there was an errant hip thrust. Just no no no.
There are many songs and for once they did not help me remember the movie. I think they are all introductions to who is who, but honestly all the names are pretty wild- like I really hope someone loses a bet and has to name their kid Shimbleshanks or whatever. Victoria is taken by two twin cats, I think one's name is Mungojerrie and they commit crimes like breaking and entering then jumping on a person's bed and trying on their jewelry. There is a weird magician cat named Mister Mestopheles who has a crush on her. He is not cute.
At some point James Corden, aka Bustopher Jones, is in there too and he and Rebel Wilson aka Jennyanydots have antics that are regrettably just a series of fat jokes. Jennyanydots just really loves eating roaches and good ole Busty will eat anything.
They really did get a lot of really famous people to don green spandex and look like terrible science experiments. Dame Judi Dench plays Old Deuteronomy who is like the matriarch cat who has fur but wears fur- like maybe the felt of all of her victims? Idris Elba is also in there and plays what I think is suppose to be an evil cat or something, McCavity; he is also guilty of wearing the fur of his victims. He has scary eyes and especially looks like a partially completed Animorph. Taylor Swift or rather Bombalurina sings a song about him and sprinkles cat drugs on everyone. Ian McKellen plays a cat with a fairly normal name, Gus and Drake plays a cat that thankfully does not have an erection.
Jennifer Hudson plays the cat who sings the famous song, Memory- Grizebela I think. I'm not sure why she got kicked out of the Jellicle cat gang- maybe for being a hooker because she gives off that vibe. All I know is the cats have a Jellicle Ball and the winner of it goes somewhere special maybe akin to heaven(hopefully not to get chloroformed). I believe Grizebela wins and rides a chandelier attached to a balloon to said place- as mentioned- hopefully not to get chloroformed.
I don't usually give movies reviews, but overall 5 stars!
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